Many of my days are spent juggling kids and trying to remember who ate last and when. These days exhaust me. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I'm drained. By the time everyone is in bed at night I feel like I could collapse. I don't like feeling like I'm chasing my tail all day long. It's a control freak's recurring nightmare.
But lately as my little boys are getting older and showing more personality (and maybe I'm becoming a bit more sane too ... yeah, probably not) I've begun to take these days in stride. There is only so much I can do to change how the days go. So instead of fighting and struggling to get "back on track" I'm learning to let go. And in that process I'm discovering that these days are a blessing. They allow me more one-on-one time with each of my boys.
During that precious time when one is awake while his brothers sleep, I learn more about the people they are and I dream about the men they will be.
I've learned that Beckett is slow and methodical in his actions and seems to need permission and encouragement from mom before playing with certain toys or rolling over. He thinks before he acts, studying and concentrating objects and movements. And he doesn't like sleep. That's been very easy to learn.
I've learned that Kiernan is a "do-er". He's adventurous and energetic and doesn't like to feel like he can't do something. It seems that if he feels that way, he's bound and determined to prove otherwise. His emotions are intense. When he's happy, he's blissful. When he's upset, he's ragingly angry. And he loves his sleep.
I haven't learned too much about Brennan that I don't already know. Instead, I've been able to enjoy seeing him learn and grow and become more independent. And during our one-on-one times he finds my lap free and takes advantage of the opportunity to just snuggle. It's something we used to take for granted, but something that is rare these days.
So on those hectic days, I'm learning to let go and instead embrace the time that I get with my boys. Because I'm blessed to have them in my life and honored to be able to call myself their mom.