I had a bit of a rough week on the PPA/PPD front. I was on edge, sad, impatient, and just plain unpleasant.
When I described these feelings to my therapist on Friday morning, she asked how I felt about my birthday. And I can honestly say that it wasn't bothering me. After some talking, we arrived on the thought that it was probably because Brian worked a lot last week and I didn't take any time to escape the house by myself. It's something I really have to get better at just DOING.
But our conversation got me thinking about my birthday and how I feel about my age. Brian had a rough time turning 29. He feels old and while I can understand it, I just don't feel the same way. I feel old too, but it's not the number that makes me feel old. 29 is not old. Neither is 30. Or 40. Or 50. Or even 60. I think 70 might be getting there though, but who knows if I'll feel that way when I'm 70.
It's where we are in life that makes me feel old. Our lives have changed so drastically in the last 2 years and I feel like it has rapidly aged us. But it doesn't make me sad. Just tired. Very very tired.
I'm embracing 29. 29 is going to be a good year. It's going to be the year of me. Because in order to be the best wife and mom I can be, I need to take care of myself first. While it's something that I know and that I'm quick to preach to others, it's something I'm not good at doing. So that's what 29 is going to be. More ME.
Birthday dinner at The Melting Pot.