I have less than a month before my race. ::cold sweat::
I'm behind on my training. Not because I can't physically do it, but because some days I have just a big giant mental block when it comes to getting out there and getting it done. I doubt my ability to run well outside. I doubt my ability to keep going. I doubt my ability to run faster. I doubt my ability to ever become a "runner".
But yesterday I had a moment of clarity. I was 1.5 miles into a 4 mile run. Feeling intimidated, frustrated, and uncomfortable. I stopped to let a little girl pet Cooper and walked for a bit. Then kept walking. I knew I should have been running, and I wasn't sure why I wasn't. I just couldn't bring myself to start up again. I felt heavy.
The weight of the doubt and negativity was slowing me down. Instead of using my frustration to motivate me, I let it slow me down, causing more frustration. A nasty, dangerous spiral that I've encountered more than once in many other aspects of my life.
I looked around and soaked in my surroundings. Here I was, near the water, on a beautiful evening working hard to get healthy. To do something amazing for myself and my family. To become a better me. Screw negativity. And I started to run.
I ran the whole way home. Settling into a nice easy pace, I watched the sun dip below the horizon and thought a lot about how far I've come. My progress has been slow, but steady. When I started this whole journey, I could barely run for 60 seconds without feeling like my legs were going to fall off and my lungs were going to explode. And that night? I ran for 1.5 miles, walked a bit, then ran the remaining 2 miles to home. If that's not something to be proud of, I don't know what is.
My challenge is going to be to maintain that positivity. To forget about the negativity and focus on the progress. To tell myself that it's my brain that makes me stop, not my legs or my lungs. To just run.