Fireside chats.

I'm feeling jumbled.  Just plain off .

I honestly think it's just the rat race of life lately.  I run and run and run all day long and can never seem to catch up with life and just feel this uncontrollable urge to DO ALL THE THINGS and at the same time I just want to sleep for hours and hours and hours.

A trip to the therapist is certainly in order.  But I must say that this weekend, while completely bat.shit.crazy, was a breath of fresh air.

My high school bestie, Lorryn, and her hubby and sweet daughter were in Orlando for vacation and stayed with us last night before they left to head back to the cold, cold North.  While the kids were awake, it was of course chaos.  That's just a given with 4 kids under 4 ... 3 of them being 15 months and younger.

But after the kids went to bed, the guys built a fire in the pit in the backyard and we sat around the fire with a bottle of wine (or 3) and just relaxed.  Between inappropriate humor, talking about life with kids, and dreaming about the future, it was so nice to be with old friends.  Soothing for the soul and just what the doctor ordered for my frazzled nerves.

Friends.

You know that friend that you can literally say ANYTHING to and know you won't be judged?  The one that will go have a drink with you before your first waxing appointment.  The one that you can call and cry to when you're having a really bad, short-tempered Mommy day.  The one you can commiserate with about feeling fat and ugly and depressed and know that she really understands.

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of great friends, both here in Florida and back in Michigan.  But my friend Jessica is definitely the one I can turn to for anything. We can share the goriest of details with each other, disagree on controversial issues, and have great conversations with our chaotic households in the background.  Some of our text conversations are my favorite though.  Short, sweet tidbits of life exchanged when our kids are screaming too loudly for us to call each other.

This is by far one of my favorite texting conversations.  Ever.

Jess: So I've decided I'm a man ... I just had my beard waxed last Wednesday and it's already coming in strong.  Damn.  Nasty.  Fat and bearded.

Me: You're not a man.  You're just hormonally challenged.

Jess: Hormonally a dude.

Jess: Wish my metabolism was like a dude.

Me: That's why I stay fat.  So I'm not attractive to other men.  It's a favor to Brian & the rest of mankind really.

Jess: lol you're too funny

Me: You're just doing the same thing - saving your marriage.  Your hubby should thank you.  If you weren't bearded the boys would be flocking and he'd be all jealous.  It's really in everyone's best interest.

Jess: I think once a dude found out our vags had 2 and 3 babies they wouldn't be interested anyway

Me: Touche my friend, touche.

That, my friends, is true friendship.

Since moving to FL, I've been busy. Busy settling into a new home, being sick in the beginning months of pregnancy, juggling school with housework and being a mommy and entertaining houseguests and traveling back to MI for school and ....

you get the idea.

When we moved, I was lucky enough to have been welcomed by a wonderful group of women who happen to be married to the boys Brian works with (and a few women that actually work with him). Most of them are also transplants from around the country, and while some have been here for longer than others, it really, truly feels like one big family.

So while I had all of these ready-made friends waiting in the wings, I was the queen of anti-social land. We would occasionally go to dinner with people from work, but I never felt like I could have an adult conversation with anyone because I was feeling crappy and trying to make sure my crazy toddler wasn't throwing knives across the table.

Then school ended. And I started to feel better. And I'm not traveling to MI once a month. While I'm still busy with just being a SAHM and baking two babies at once, I have much more free time. But now, the other wife that is a SAHM delivered a preemie and has been consumed with that (for obvious reasons!) and the wife that is a WAHM is nearing the end of her pregnancy and just isn't feeling very social. So now that I'm feeling good and would like to be social, I find myself being lonely. Not bored, because I have plenty of work to do, but lonely :S

Loneliness in a new place isn't good. It makes you miss your old life, your friends, your family, your old sense of normalcy. While I LOVE our new environment and am VERY happy that we made the choices we did, I couldn't help but feel sad. I'm used to seeing my family once a month, and this is the first month I won't see them. In fact, I won't see them until July. And my "bff" had her second baby, who I haven't been able to meet yet, and I missed her after-baby shower that our work girls always throw for each other. Hearing about all of the things I'm missing in MI only added to the sadness.

But then the preggo WAHM threw together a last-minute girls night. Four of us met at her house one night, lounged in the pool for awhile, enjoyed dinner and just girl-time in general. I can't tell you how excited I was about this night. When getting ready to leave, Brian asked when I would be home. I told him I had no idea, and he continued to press the issue for at least a ballpark figure. When I asked what the third degree was all about, he said, "Well, you never leave! I'm not used to you being gone." It hit me then that I really don't leave the house by myself except to run to the store every once in awhile. Brennan goes EVERYWHERE with me. I'm not complaining in the least, but I guess I just never realized that I get very little alone time. And I don't think that's healthy. In order to be the best mom I can be, I need to take care of my own emotional well being too.

Well, let me tell you, this girls night did just that. These are wonderful women, from very different backgrounds, who are married to great men who are also from diverse backgrounds. But we all have one thing in common - we are one big family. We had great food, great conversation, and it was just a breath of fresh air to enjoy some adult company! It needs to happen again soon :)