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Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I'm almost afraid to say it for fear of jinxing myself.  But at the same time I wanna shout it to the rooftops.

Brennan is DONE with diapers!

He's been taking naps and sleeping through the night in underwear and staying dry til he wakes up. We've been out and about around town and he hasn't had any accidents.  I'm a bit afraid to take him out by myself with the twins because of the pure logistical nightmare of trying to get him to the bathroom with the other 2 in tow, but it's a mountain I'll have to climb eventually.

Looking back, I have to say that the whole process was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.  But I think it's because I just kind of let it happen naturally, followed his cues, and just challenged him a bit here and there.  I have several friends who had success with a "boot camp" or more structured approach, but I knew that kind of thing wouldn't mesh with our life.  I didn't think Brennan would learn well that way and I definitely knew it wouldn't be good for my anxiety.  I can see it working for one of the twins someday (read: Kiernan), but I knew it wasn't the right route for Brennan.  And I think that's one of the most important keys to successful potty-training - like any other step in parenting, you have to know what will work best for your child.  And if what you thought would work isn't working, you have to be open to trying something different.

Week one, done {Twin Weight Tuesday}.

I'm done with my first week of 5K training.  It wasn't pretty, but it's done.  I threw in an extra day because I just had an awful run on Thursday and wanted a re-do.

Last night I started week 2, which consists of a 5 minute brisk walk followed by intervals of 90 seconds of running and 2 minutes of brisk walking for 20 minutes.  I always keep walking til I hit a total of 30 minutes at the end because I've found that I really need a cool down walk.

I've also learned that I run faster outside than I do on the treadmill.  I kind of figured that, but never had any proof.  But the route I take outside is 2 miles long (carefully calculated my running Nazi coach) and the same amount of running turns up to be 1.8ish miles on the treadmill.  I've tried increasing my speed, but I just end up feeling like I'm going to fly off the back of the treadmill the whole time.  Not fun.

Last night Brian came into the workout room to see how I was doing.  I was on my 2nd of 6 intervals and I was struggling already.  On the 3rd interval I thought about stopping.  My knees and shins were killing me and I was just tired.  But I kept going and the 4th one was actually a little easier.  And on the 5th one I actually ran for 2 minutes instead of 90 seconds because I lost track of time.  After the 6th one I actually contemplated throwing in another few intervals because my legs were feeling good.  But last time I did that, I screwed up further runs because I was too sore.  So I walked for a good 4 minutes to cool down and went into the family room to stretch.

Brian asked me if it's starting to feel good yet, and the answer was NO.  And the soreness the next day isn't even a good sore yet.  It's just a "I feel fat and old and out of shape" sore.  But I am enjoying the feelings of accomplishment.  And that's what I'm focusing on every time it's time to get out there and run.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Favorite Post Friday {5.26.12}.

These are from the last few weeks because, well, I haven't been "together" enough to get a Fave Friday post up lately.  Resurrecting Twin Weight Tuesday and Fave Post Friday in the same week?  Go me!

Tena's Therapy - Being a Mom to a Boy -- This made me laugh.  I showed it to Brian and told him that while I don't think I'll ever go as far as giving my boys condoms, I'll definitely be that Mom that's totally no nonsense about sex.  I don't care if you're embarrassed by talking about it.  Because I want you to understand the ramifications of such an adult decision.  And if you're not mature enough to talk about it, then you're not mature enough to do it.  At least until you're old enough to be on your own, out of my house, and off my payroll.

Chill Mama ChillSex, Love, and Bonding - Getting out of your head -- Yes.  Just, yes.

Baby RabiesSleep: Not Just For the Selfish -- Ohhhh how I love this post.  Jill has a knack for saying what every Mom thinks at one time or another.  And she hit the nail on the head for this one!

** No one asked me to feature their blog.  I'm just passing along my favorites with hopes that you might find something you like too.  And if you find a blog you like, I hope that you'll do like I did and follow their blog, whether by RSS, Friend Connect, or email.  And do the same for mine if you like!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Picture takers.

Fair warning people ... this posts contains a lot of pictures and a crap ton of cute.

When we left Michigan, we also left behind Patience, our favorite photographer and my sister's dear friend.  My sister Teresa bought us a session with P when Brennan was just a few weeks old and since then only she has captured our family in photographs.  And she has taken some absolutely beautiful ones over the years.  

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Committed {Twin Weight Tuesday ... on Wednesday}.

Hey, remember Operation Lose the Twin Weight?  And Twin Weight Tuesdays?  I do ... sort of.

OK, so I never really forgot, I just chose not to focus on it for awhile.  After playing with my calories, trying different workouts, getting frustrated, then anxious, then eating to cope with the anxiety, then getting depressed because I ate too much, then not working out because I was depressed ...

Yeah, I just kinda spiraled.  So I decided to take some time off and just live.  But this week I got back on the wagon and went for a run.  And you know what?  It felt good.

Everybody hurts, sometimes.

Ah, postpartum depression.

Those are some big, ugly words, aren't they?  It's something I thought I knew plenty about until the last six months or so.  For years I spoke to patients about it, but mostly on a superficial level.  When I was pregnant with Brennan, I knew I was at higher risk for PPD because I had struggled with depression in college.  But I had him, experienced some normal baby blues, and continued with life.  I thought I was in the clear.

Fast forward a few years.  We move to a different state, 1000 miles away from our family and friends.  I (temporarily) give up my career and put my Masters degree on hold to become a stay-at-home mom and ease the adjustment for our whole family.  A few days after we moved, I found out I was pregnant.  A few short weeks later?  Twins.  My whole entire world was, in the words of a young Fresh Prince, flipped-turned upside down.

In retrospect, the depression probably started during pregnancy.  I endlessly stressed over my inability to keep the house "clean enough" and my difficulty balancing 3 kids before they were even born.  I missed my family, our traditions and routines, being able to call someone at the last minute to babysit or just to hang out.  I struggled to keep up with Brennan and keep the house running smoothly and resented that I was in this position "alone".

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


It dawned on me today that Brennan is officially closer to being 3 than he is to being 2.  This is insanity.

It's not just the numbers that get me, but more so the little boy that he's turning in to.  After a few months of dabbling in potty training, it all of the sudden clicked and he's now in underpants except for night time.  On Saturday we took the front off of his crib and since then he's been staying in his "big boy bed" all night by himself.  He likes to keep track of his brothers, and loves to help out around the house.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


You know that friend that you can literally say ANYTHING to and know you won't be judged?  The one that will go have a drink with you before your first waxing appointment.  The one that you can call and cry to when you're having a really bad, short-tempered Mommy day.  The one you can commiserate with about feeling fat and ugly and depressed and know that she really understands.

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of great friends, both here in Florida and back in Michigan.  But my friend Jessica is definitely the one I can turn to for anything. We can share the goriest of details with each other, disagree on controversial issues, and have great conversations with our chaotic households in the background.  Some of our text conversations are my favorite though.  Short, sweet tidbits of life exchanged when our kids are screaming too loudly for us to call each other.

This is by far one of my favorite texting conversations.  Ever.

Jess: So I've decided I'm a man ... I just had my beard waxed last Wednesday and it's already coming in strong.  Damn.  Nasty.  Fat and bearded.

Me: You're not a man.  You're just hormonally challenged.

Jess: Hormonally a dude.

Jess: Wish my metabolism was like a dude.

Me: That's why I stay fat.  So I'm not attractive to other men.  It's a favor to Brian & the rest of mankind really.

Jess: lol you're too funny

Me: You're just doing the same thing - saving your marriage.  Your hubby should thank you.  If you weren't bearded the boys would be flocking and he'd be all jealous.  It's really in everyone's best interest.

Jess: I think once a dude found out our vags had 2 and 3 babies they wouldn't be interested anyway

Me: Touche my friend, touche.

That, my friends, is true friendship.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Flying solo.

Well, I did it.  I survived an entire weekend without my boys.  And you know what?  It was great.

I missed them like crazy and my arms often felt empty, but I managed to have a wonderful, relaxing, fun weekend with my family.

All 3 boys woke up early Friday morning, just in time for me to squeeze them one last time and kiss them goodbye.  Timing at the airport was perfect, the flight was smooth, and I was actually able to relax and read a book.  I forgot how easy it is to travel without kids!

My Dad picked me up and we grabbed a quick lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant and ran a few errands.  I was lucky enough to find a new pair of shoes to wear to the wedding on clearance.  Cute + cheap = right up my alley.  We headed home to say hi to my little sis, then I headed to get my hairs cut by my friend Stephanie.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Letting go and finding myself.

I'm nervous.

I can't tell you why exactly, because I haven't quite figured it out myself.

Tomorrow morning I'll head to the airport and board a plane for Michigan.  It's a much anticipated trip to see my family for the wedding of a close family friend.  I'll get to shop with my sisters, get my hair cut by my favorite stylist, get manicures and pedicures with my mom and sisters, celebrate my Dad's birthday with him and spend the first Mother's Day in awhile with my mom.  I've been looking forward to it for months.

But I'm also terrified.  I've never left the twins for more than a few hours.  They'll be with Brian the whole time and if there's anyone in this world I trust with our babies it's him.  I'll be gone for less than 3 days.  I've left a list of the schedule with reminders not to let Brennan have any more than 4 "Queen cups" of milk per day and to remember to do the boys exercises.

They'll survive.  It's not really them I'm worried about.  It's me.

For the last year and half, all I've known is being a mom.  My days are completely consumed with schedules and feedings and diaper changes and playing race cars and snuggles and kissing boo-boos.  I've realized in the past few weeks that I'm not really sure I know what to do with myself when I'm without my boys.  Sure the idea of having time to read and sleep and pee without an audience sounds downright blissful, but facing the reality of it is very intimidating.

Do I think this is a bad thing?  No.  Do I think I need to go back to work in order to regain some sense of self?  No.  I want to stay home and raise my boys and for them to be my world.  It's what I've always imagined my life would be like.  But what I never imagined would happen is that I would have such a hard time finding myself outside of motherhood.  That part never played out in my brain.  I guess I just assumed that I would remain the same old Kelli.  That's definitely not the case.

It's not going to be an overnight thing.  I have to work to get better at taking time for myself outside the house, other than grocery shopping and once monthly girls' nights.  I'm working on it.  For now, I'm just going to focus on enjoying my weekend with my family.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I'm a model you know what I mean.

Anyone who has children or has tried to take pictures of children knows that it's not always an easy feat.  I took the twins' 8 month photos yesterday and it was by far the most difficult shoot to date.  But it was also completely hilarious.  Kiernan doesn't sit still very well  at all and poor Beckett isn't very stable next to his wiggle worm brother.  Here's a look at the hilarity:

Very first photo and Kiernan is already diving for the camera.

Run drunky, run!

I know the saying: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  But honestly?  This story is too good not to tell.  And it doesn't involve anyone but my darling husband (who doesn't read this blog) so I'm telling it anyway.

Brian left for Las Vegas early Friday morning.  As the best man in his best friend's wedding, he planned a weekend bachelor party in Sin City and had been looking forward to it for months.  They partied hard and probably had a steady buzz all weekend long.

My hubby is a pretty avid runner and has been on a "OMG I'm getting old and fat I must run every day" kick lately which apparently is not exclusive to sobriety.  So after a long night of drinking, instead of passing out like a normal person, Brian decided to go for a run.

Monday, May 7, 2012

8 months!


Eight months.  EIGHT months?  EIGHT MONTHS!! 

I really don't know where time is going.  I know, I say that every month.  But really, it's FLYING by.  I can't believe how fast the boys are growing.  All 3 of them are growing and changing so quickly.  It's fun to watch but sad at the same time.  My babies!  I haven't been to Mom's Club in awhile and their next pediatrician appointment isn't until next month, so I don't have official weights.  But since I was curious I jumped on our scale with them and did the math and then measured them myself too.  So these are very unofficial weights and heights!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Favorite Posts Friday {5.4.12}.

I'm only sharing one post for FPF today.  And it's more of a least favorite post.  Beautifully written, but on a very tough subject.

Diana from Hormonal Imbalances has been a frequent flyer in my Friday posts for a multitude of reasons.  She's an amazing writer, capturing emotions and painting pictures through words.  She's a wife and a mother to a beautiful three year old girl.  She has been incredibly sweet during our interactions on the internet, which began a few months ago when she learned that she was pregnant with twins.  I have been fortunate enough to be able to relive and sort out some of the emotions I went through in the early stages of pregnancy through Diana's eloquently written posts about her own thoughts and feelings.  

Last week, on the way to a date night with my hubby, I quickly skimmed over my Twitter account and saw some chilling words from Diana.  "I'm losing the babies. :( Please pray for us." and then "I'm being induced.  My water broke and there is nothing they can do.  The boys are too small.  We aren't doing well w/this.  My heart is broken." My heart immediately broke for her too.  They were 18 weeks and 5 days.  In the week to come, the saga was revealed.  Both boys amniotic sacs had ruptured.  They were initially under the impression that they had to induce, then decided that they couldn't do it and would risk infection to Diana in order to hold out a sliver of hope for their boys.  They met some resistance due to a mix up with some of the resident physicians, but continued to fight for their right to choose to let God decide if their children would live or die.  I had some in depth discussions with Brian and my friend Jessica about the situation.  Jess, having worked in L&D with me and now in the NICU, and I both struggled with the knowledge of just how grim of a scenario it was.  Still, I prayed for God's strength and guidance for Diana and her husband through their struggle.  

And then, yesterday morning brought the tweet that no one wanted to come.  "Julian and Preston were born this morning.  We held them as they met Jesus.  Please pray for us."  Later that day, Diana posted this beautifully written, heartbreaking blog post about her emotions as she attempts to navigate the journey of losing a child.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Tractor fixin'.

"Mommy, help Da-eee fix tractor!"

"Sure buddy."  I said, not really hearing him in my rush to comfort Kiernan who had fallen and bonked his head for the 200th time that day before heading to the nursery to rescue the newly awakened (and angry) Beckett from his crib.

"Mommy, Brennan go outside.  Brennan help Da-eee fix tractor!  Take tools!"

As I emerged from the nursery I saw him.  Standing at the front door, face full of excitement and anticipation, carrying his little wooden tool puzzle.  And then I melted.  He had heard Brian tell me that he was headed out to fix the tire on the lawn mower and decided that he would help his Daddy.  But of course he had to get his tools before heading outside.

"OK buddy, let's go find Daddy so you can help him" I said as we headed outside.  He rushed out into the sunshine, plopped his tools on the ground, and carefully evaluated the situation.  "Need drill!" he exclaimed as he pulled the little wooden drill from the puzzle.  After "fixing" the tire with the drill, he looked up at his Daddy and said "Da-eee, I fix it!"  So proud of himself and needing his Daddy to proud of him.

Gosh darn it, my sweet baby boy is growing up.  It's bittersweet to watch, but I wouldn't want to miss it for the world.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I quit.

Today I told Brian that I quit.

He's going to have to find someone else to do this job because for the past few days I feel like I'm not cut out for it.

These boys are killing me.  One ear-piercing shriek and twitch-inducing whine at a time.  And let me tell you,  it's a very slow, very painful death.

Kiernan is on the move.  In the last week he has progressed past his "inchworm" moving to full on big-boy crawling.  Then he started pulling himself up on his knees while holding onto the couch and just a few short days later he started to pull himself from his knees to his feet.  Now he's pulling himself up onto EVERYTHING.  But the problem is that he's still arching his back quite a bit.  So one minute he's standing, the next minute he's hurling himself backward and knocking his head on the floor.  Then of course the screams ensue.  Therefore in a effort to save my eardrums and his ability to use his brain in the future, I spend a good portion of the day just following him around.

April 2012.

April was a great month.  Brian began the last year of his twenties on April 4.  He feels old, but I maintain that it's more what we have going on in life that makes us feel old than actually being old.  29 is not old.  At all.  Oh well.  We had a laid back day that day.  He requested tuna noodle casserole for dinner (since he wasn't eating meat due to his Lenten promise) and apple crisp instead of cake.  Brennan and I made him a tshirt with a race track drawn on the back so that he can race his cars on Daddy's back and the boys posed for pictures with reasons that they love their Daddy.  Cooper gave Brian a custom watercolor painting of himself that I helped him order.  Brian loved it because of course he loves Cooper more than most things in this world … except the boys … and maybe me too.  I'm still working to complete my promise of 250 miles of walking/running, so I wasn't allowed to give him anything yet.