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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

What a difference 3 years makes.

 Do you use the Timehop app?  If you're not familiar, it's an app that pulls up your social media history each day.  If you're not huge on social media, you may reap many benefits.  My history from over 4 years ago is a bit light, but man, since then I have lots of ... history.  Specifically, 3 years ago.

As you may or may not recall, 3 years ago I had two 7 month olds and a 2.5 year old.  So, life was a bit chaotic.  I had a hubby who worked all the time and was home alone with my chaos all the time, so social media was the way I connected with the world.  This was also the time that I was deep in fight against postpartum depression and anxiety, so I love to reminisce and see how far I've come in the last 3 years.

Yesterday's Timehop feed really hit me.  I posted to Facebook 6 times in one day.  SIX TIMES.  Reading through everything, it's painfully clear that I was feeling lonely and in need of someone to talk to.  But this was also a very momentous day.  I will never, ever forget this day in my entire life.  It was the day that I got my Mommy-Groove back.

See, the day started out being very, very crazy.  So crazy, in fact, that I posted this at 9:43 a.m....

I'm sure it got worse before it got better.  I'm sure that the 2.5 year old was whiny and the babies were chaos.  I'm sure that I cried.  I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember the exact moment that I decided that we were getting out.  I was in the kitchen, Brennan was hanging on my leg, Beckett had just woke up after only 30 minutes sleeping and had woken up Kiernan with his screams, and now they were both screaming in their beds which I was frantically trying to get lunch ready for Brennan and bottles ready for the cranky ones.  

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.  Like, now.  So after they babies had bottles and Brennan had lunch, I packed up the crew and headed out the door.  I clearly remember trying to decide where we were going.  Park?  Too chaotic.  Grocery store?  Not necessary.  Zoo.  The zoo!  I place I could push the littles in the stroller and let Brennan roam without getting too far from me.  So, to the zoo we went.  

We strolled through the zoo, treated ourselves to some Dippin' Dots, and I remember thinking to myself, "Wow.  WOW.  I just did this.  I DID IT!"  I was on such a high from my new found Mommy-Groove, that I had to tell Brian about it in person, so we even stopped by his office on the way home.  I just remember feeling so ... PROUD.  

And apparently all of the pride continued, because I also shared this gallery of Twin Pregnancies over on Babble ... which my belly and I happened to be featured in.  

Oh, and then there was a storm!  Because that's what happens in Florida -- sun one minute, thunderstorm the next.  

Then some cute babies ate some dinner and smiled a lot afterward.  

I'm sure Brian came home super late that night while I was dead asleep.  Or maybe I was awake, I probably talked his ear off until we both fell asleep. I really don't remember, but those are really the only 2 ways our evenings went back in those days.  Regardless, I will always remember that day.  The day that I finally felt like I could wrangle my babies all by myself.  It was a beautiful, beautiful day.  

Any time I have a crazy day, I think about my life 3 years ago and remind myself that I've been through much, much more chaos.  At least now leaving the house doesn't require an hour of preparations.  At least now I can tell my kids to jump in the car and buckle up instead of carrying everyone to the car and buckling them myself.  At least now I can drink my sorrows away without worrying about the pump-and-dump.  Hehe.  I mean, I miss the cute, chubby baby stage, but my sanity is oh so sweet.  

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