It was 8:00 p.m. on a Tuesday night. Brennan was in Michigan with my parents and
Beckett & Kiernan had been tucked into bed for an hour. The dishes were done, the house was picked
up, and Brian had just returned from a run with the dogs.
As he sat there and stretched, he turned to me and asked
“What do people without kids do?”
I stopped. After
thinking for a moment I replied, “ Honestly, I don’t remember.”
I remember thinking I was busy before I had kids. I remember feeling stress over not having
enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needed to be done. My nursing job allowed me to work (full time)
3 nights per week. My house was messy. I wasn’t in school. And yet I still felt terribly busy. I knew life would get busier once we had
kids, but it wasn’t easy to wrap my brain around just how busy it would
be.
Then we had Brennan.
And I got a swift kick in the head as to just how busy life is when you
have children … or so I thought.
Adjusting to new motherhood is overwhelming enough, but I had also
started my Masters of Nursing program that fall, which proved to be an even
bigger challenge. Balancing a baby, a
job, a house, a marriage, and school is definitely not easy. Lucky for me, I was blissfully unaware of just
how complicated life would eventually be.
Then of course came a cross-country move, a transition to
staying at home, a husband with a new career that keeps him at work for a
minimum of 50 hours per week, a set of twins, and a nice case of postpartum depression. Oh, and to top it all off, why not start back
to that Masters’ program that’s 1000 miles away from home? Sure.
Why.freaking.not.
My days are a constant stream of “busy”. In some ways, I’m on autopilot throughout the
day. Wake up, milk for boys, COFFEE,
breakfast, cleaning, nap, learning activity for Brennan, milk, play, clean,
lunch, a;sldkjfga;sldifja;sldkgja;sldkj.
You get the idea. I don’t sit
down all day long and I still have a million things on my to-do list when I
collapse into bed at midnight. And Brian
is the same way. Too many things to do,
too little time.
Trust me, I’m not complaining. I really, truly love my life right now. I wouldn’t trade being a SAHM for the
world. I get to use my brain in other
ways while I do my coursework. I can
wear yoga pants all day and not brush my teeth til noon and it’s completely
acceptable. Of course I have my
difficult days, but don’t we all?
As Brian and I sat there that night and tried desperately to
remember what we used to do before we had kids, and even when we had only
Brennan, Brian suggested that they have more time for “fun”. I argued though, that it’s just a different
kind of “fun”. The hour that we spent
playing with the twins between dinner and bedtime was a blast. Would we have had fun spending that time at
happy hour somewhere instead? Of
course. It’s just a different kind of
fun. Kinda like when people ask about
life with the twins these days, I usually reply that it’s just a different kind
of chaos.
There are different kinds of “busy” and different kinds of
“fun” and different kinds of “chaos”. As
we flow out of this stage in life and find ourselves juggling 2 careers, school
activities, sports, and extra-curriculars, we’ll probably look back at these
“old days” and laugh at our former selves for thinking we were busy with 3 boys
under 3. But it sure does feel busy
right now. And in the end, it’s all
relative. So for now I’m going to
embrace the fun we have, get through the busy, and juggle the chaos. It may not all be rainbows and unicorns, but
it’ll make for some great memories.
LOVED this post and while I'm still at the stage with just 1 kiddo, I can totally agree with everything you said! And yes, I do believe I'm busy now...scared of what it'll be like when we have more. :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how hard it is to fathom how you could be any busier than you are?? I try so hard not to downplay other people's stress, because I hate it when other people do it to me. So when my little sister comes to me and says that she's so stressed out with her "I'm in college and my Dad pays my bills and I have no responsibilities whatsoever" problems, I try really really really hard not to get preachy and just be supportive. Because I remember it like it was yesterday ;)
Delete